Allure of surrender

I resist.
As the nail resists the hammer, I resist.
As the tinder resists the flame, I resist.
The record must show; I resist.
The rain pours down and I push against the deluge.
Like the moth against the hurricane, I resist.
The force and fury of ten thousand velvet wings beat me to a puddle where I lie upon the stone, but never let it be said that I did not..
resist.

Domain

Lately it's been like living in a James Clavell novel.
A few months ago I was bored. Then it went to dangerous anger where I could have taken more than one person through a window. Threats without witnesses don't count. My palms don't sweat.
Now it's good news on the surface, but looking up every sleeve for the daggers.
Always an agenda.
So much work to do in just a few months. So much opportunity for gain.
So much territory to protect with my back turned, and so much that deeply matters.

Forever falling

Having looked too deeply into the pool, I cannot look away.
I turn my head to the pool and close my eyes to the pool, and drown in a constant suffocation of the pool that knows no close of relief.
Throw me a rope, I will not hold. Pull at my hands, I will only slip.
The damned are the damned.

Open bloom

Complete trust is one of the most valuable treasures.
So hard to win most times. Such a great responsibility to carry.
To earn that from another is to hold that person's beating heart while they sleep.
Our lives, no matter what, are eternal vigilance.
To be able to set that burden, even for a moment, in the hands of another, is the other half of that tremendous gift.
The rare blue flower of the Eastern slope can be sought a lifetime without touching those feathery petals.

Travail

And there's the turn just up ahead.
A checkpoint of suspicious eyes and hidden agendas.
Like a classic suspense, just before the border crossing, someone went hysterical and had to be dumped by the roadside. Now it's asking someone else to climb in with implicit trust. A tall order.
There's 6 months of rough road and bandits in the woods, but as long as we trust each other, we can win.

And all the while, there's work to be done..

It would be nce to set down some of these spinning plates.
Trying to re-engineer order out of something so damaged while a neanderthal beats on the walls is unbelievably discouraging.
Having to continue denying something I know to be true in order to get a narrow mind to turn away is draining. I walk a fine line daily.
I care too much, but that can't be changed.

Like a bubble burst

And just like that, I now have nothing to believe in.